That story your wife told
about overhearing you playing along with Jedpardy
getting the question about the civil rightts leader wrong
and exclaiming, “dDamit, Petersen!
you stupid white cracker!”
damnit Petersen, you make me laugh!
all those jobs and moves and marraiges happened,
but I swear to Christ we are still back there
taking our picture with the sign
outside the strib club in Louisville
without the guts to go in.
Damit Petersen! Damnit cancer!
Damnit distance! Damnit time!
Thay say distance is only real
if you make it real,
but we’ve learne the hard way
time decides for itself
what it makes out of us all.
then cancer tears through like a tornado
giving zero fucks for any of it.
damnit Petersen! we are still young
or at least too young for this shit.
Fuck these healing poisons
and excavation of cells run amuck.
Damit Petersen! how did you stay so whole
while it ripped your bones apart?
Damit Wharton! You weren’t that fucking busy!
You could have called a dozen times,..
Damnit Petersen! you have always been
my twin from a better universe.
kinder, more approachable
more connected and connectable.
you deserved more years than me.
Damn it life!Fucking play fair!
All of a sudden, it was the end,
but it just keeps ending
Damnit Petersen, I never told you
how much smarter you were?
All the things I squeezed myself into
turned out to be bullshit,
Now comfortable is all I want to be.
and even comfort hurts.
Damit Petersen! I could swear we are still freshman.
You’re teaching me the Indigo Girls
and I’m driving you crazy
playing Pink Floyd’s The Wall over and over,
mining every drop of symbolism.
to get an A on my paper.
(Shit, I’m still doing it!)
Damnit Peterson, there I go again
trying to say it perfect,
trying to fix the unfixable
instead of hugging you,
tight enough you could feel all of this
but not so tight it bruises.
Damnit Petersen! how did we become
so damn strong
but so fucking fragile?
Damnit Petersen, where the hell are you?!
people keep saying you visit them
showing up as a bird, landing
looking, and flying away,
but there are dozens of birds here,
and like a dumbass I never asked
which bird you would b.